So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
