So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
