dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
50% drunk capacity currently
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
