if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
