its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
