I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
