I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
