my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
