I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
