My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
