I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
