This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
