Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
