Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
