and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
