The brown eye won't let me do that either.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
