I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
