We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
