he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
