have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
