im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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