I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
