My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
