Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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