new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this will be a night to untag.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
