dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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