can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
