At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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