In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
