At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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