Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's like iHOP with fire
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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