There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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