I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
