I need to stop coming to work sober
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
