i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
