Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
