I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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