I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
