i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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