The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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