I need help removing her.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
