he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
