So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Randomize
