he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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