WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
