Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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