Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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