I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
