Moan for me like Helen Keller
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
