God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
